Wisecracks - Part 2

I got very encouraging feedback to Part 1 .. so here is the sequel .. I hope it doesn't flop (like most sequels do!)

1. It is proven that children hold a marriage together, while tearing the house apart.

2. She serves him blended coffee - yesterday's and today's.

3. Girl to boy, "You remember our last date? Well ...that's what it was!"

4. My Doctor said I needed a complete change .. so I changed the Doctor.

5. I have read so much about the bad effects of drinking, that I gave up reading.

6. It takes a lot of experience ... for a girl to kiss like a beginner ;)

7. Some movies would be better if they ... shot less footage ...and more actors.

8. Today, the pianist is going to play like he never played before .. in tune!

9. One kid to another, "See I told you, tomatoes don't bounce."

10. Its funny how most girls wait until the kiss is over ... before they slap the man's face.

11. One friend to another, "I heard you applied for a government job. What are you doing now?" Reply, "Now? .. Nothing .. I got the job!"

12. Overheard at a bus stop..."I heard your sister got married. Who's the lucky man?" Pat came the reply, "My father!"

13. In the gym..."I heard your wife is on an onion diet. Did she LOSE anything?" Husband..."Yes, 5 kgs and 4 friends."

14. Girl to boy: "Do you believe in Hate at first sight?"

15. I heard you like to travel, so ... why don't you?

16. If you ever need me, please DO hesitate to call!

17. A Fine is a Tax for doing wrong. A Tax is Fine for doing well!

18. Before marriage .... a girl has to kiss her man to hold him; after marriage ... she has to hold him to kiss him.

19. I was trying to get a new car for my wife; but nobody had such an exchange offer.

20. She hates me so much, she made me a birthday cake and put the candles INSIDE it.

Let me know which ones you liked best :) .. and there may even be a Part 3 ...ok .. ok .. I'll stop ... I can already hear the groans ;)

snohri2004@yahoo.co.in