Wisecracks - Part 1

I have often come across many wisecracks and one-liners at many blog posts and thought of contributing my tuppence worth also...

So here's Part 1 of my collection of Gags, Wisecracks and Witticisms. Hope you enjoy them, I sure did, putting it together.

1. He got a letter from his estranged wife.. "Hi Ed, I missed you yesterday. Come back home again, and let me have another shot. Love, Erma."

2. While out with the car one day, she ran across a few old friends...may they rest in peace!

3. Scotch is a wonderful drink. It not only makes you see double, it makes you feel single!

4. Signboard in a shop..."God help those who help themselves"

5. Mr. Smith finally had his wife crawling on her hands and knees last night. She kept shouting, "Come out from under that bed, you coward!"

6. She hated when he referred to her as his 'awfully wedded wife.'

7. She married a Sailor, because she wanted to have children and rear admirals.

8. The difference between a smart girl and a good-looking girl: one has to make up her mind, the other has to mind her make-up.

9. The theatre critc, while writing a review: "I can't remember the author's name, but his farce is familiar."

10. There's a new Directory being compiled in Hollywood, it's going to be named, "Who's Whose."

11. The first thing a pilot learns to control is ... the air hostess!

12. She always wears a faint perfume. One sniff - and you'll faint.

13. A fool and his money are soon parted .. but boy, what memories!

14. A diamond can cut through the hardest metal, and it's not too bad for softening women, either.

15. Liquor improves with age, the older you get the more you like it.

16. At breakfast the priest told the General's pretty wife, who was unwell, "I was praying for you last night." She batted he eyelids and replied, "You silly man...all you had to do was call!"

17. This country is full of willing people. Just a few willing to work .. and the rest willing to let them.

18. The best time to visit Paris is .. between your 18th and 25th birthday!

19. Joe and his fiancee are always together. They're what you call, insufferable.

20. Her brother said, "I remember when we were kids, my sister used to play with dolls and I used to play with soldiers. Now we're all grown up and things are reversed.."

More later...

Let me know which ones you liked best :)